Heart attacks are all the rage
trending high among the fittest of the fit
no one is safe
defibrillators in the playground

headlines warn us to ‘know the risks’

eating too much
eating too little
intermittent fasting
not eating breakfast

sleeping too much
sleeping too little
sleeping on the left side
or is it the right?
going to sleep later than 11 pm
nodding off in front of the telly
sleeping with the blinds open
sleeping with the light on
sleeping late, sleeping in
having a weekend lie-in
not having a weekend lie-in

basically, sleeping

cold weather
hot weather
changing weather
winter storms
sunbathing
climate change

basically, any weather

living on a busy road
living under a flight path
going on holiday

the glare of bright headlights

shoveling snow
not enough exercise
too much exercise
making the bed
sitting down, standing up

basically, any exercise

having a weak handshake
being short, being tall
exposure to bugs
exposure to bug spray

taking a shower on a full moon
going to the moon

being single
in a bad marriage
good sex
bad sex
watching porn

basically, any kind of sex

loneliness

eating out
too much coffee
not enough coffee
cleaning the house

mondays

not knowing when you’re being played



note: all of the above, except the penultimate line, are actual media headlines from 2021 to 2024
basically, any weather

living on a busy road
under a flight path
going on holiday

shoveling snow
not enough exercise
too much exercise
making the bed
sitting down, standing up

basically, any exercise

having a weak handshake
being short, being tall
exposure to bugs
exposure to bug spray

taking a shower on a full moon
going to the moon

being single
in a bad marriage
good sex
bad sex
watching porn

loneliness

eating out
too much coffee
not enough coffee
cleaning the house

mondays

being sarcastic

not knowing when you’re being played



note: all of the above, except the penultimate line, are actual media headlines from 2021 to 2024